I'm too shy to network at conferences
Have a few good conversations at a conference without pretending to be someone you're not.
In short
Start here, today. Look through the program of your next conference and pick two people whose work interests you. For each, write one specific question you could ask them. This takes about 20 minutes.
After that, work through these steps. Choose one to jump to it.
Step by step
Tick each step as you finish it. Open a step for the how.
0 of 6 steps done
Prepare a two-sentence introduction
Have two sentences ready about who you are and what you're working on, in plain language. For example: “I'm a [master's or PhD] student at [university], and I study [topic]. I'm especially interested in [one specific thing].” Practise it out loud until it sounds like you.
Use talks and posters as openings
A question after a talk, or a quick word with the speaker afterwards, gives you a ready-made topic. Poster sessions are easier still, because presenters are there to talk. Start with something specific you noticed in their work.
Choose smaller settings
Workshops, early-career sessions, interest group meetings and coffee queues are easier than big receptions. If you volunteer at the conference, you'll have a role, a reason to talk to people and something to do with your hands.
Go with someone, then branch out
Arrive with a labmate or your supervisor and ask them to introduce you to one or two people they know. Once you've met a few people, joining a group on your own gets easier.
Plan your exits and your rest
It's fine to end a conversation: “It was great to meet you. I'm going to catch the next session.” Build quiet breaks into each day, and let yourself leave a reception once you've had one or two good conversations.
Follow up within a week
Send a short note that mentions where you met and something you talked about, along with anything you promised, like a link to a paper. Add it to your Waiting-For list if you expect a reply. This is where quieter people often stand out, because so many others never follow up.
Words you can use
Is this you? Signs to look for
- You spend coffee breaks checking your phone in a corner.
- You leave talks you loved without saying a word to the speaker.
- Receptions feel so draining that you skip them altogether.
- You've practised introducing yourself and still freeze when the moment comes.
Why this happens
Conferences reward people who find it easy to walk up to strangers, and that isn't most people. Being shy or introverted doesn't mean you're bad at professional relationships. Quieter people are often good listeners who ask careful questions and follow up properly, and over time that matters more than how many hands you shake.
It helps to shrink the task. You don't need to meet everyone. One or two real conversations, followed by a short email afterwards, is a good result for a conference. Small talk can feel pointless, but a few minutes of it is often what makes later conversations and collaborations easier.
If social situations bring on anxiety that goes well beyond ordinary nerves, that's worth addressing in its own right. It's common, and it can be treated.
Worth a look (6)
- I turn up late to meetings to dodge small talk. Am I wrong?, NatureFive scientists on why a few minutes of small talk builds rapport and helps newcomers join in.
- Research communication skills, University of Calgary Faculty of Graduate StudiesAn example of workshops on describing your research briefly, with one-on-one feedback. Check what your graduate office offers.
- MentorLINC, University of CalgaryAn example of an alumni platform for career conversations and networking in a lower-pressure setting.
- Versatile PhDHelps PhD students and graduates explore careers beyond academia, with real career stories, job search guides and forums. Access is usually through your university's subscription.
- THEunijobsUniversity jobs around the world from Times Higher Education, including academic, research and professional roles, which you can filter by country and field.
- UN Young Professionals ProgrammeAn entrance exam that can lead to a first professional job at the UN, for young graduates from countries on that year's participating list. Exam subjects and countries change every year.
More on careers in and beyond academia in the resource library
When to bring someone in
Your supervisor can introduce you to people at a conference if you ask before you go. Career services and alumni mentoring programs offer lower-pressure practice at professional conversations. If anxiety in social situations is stopping you from going to events at all, or is affecting daily life, talk to your university's counselling service.
Find the right person, or talk to Ify