Something in my life needs my attention right now
Make room for what's happening, keep your place in the program safe, and come back gently when you're ready.
In short
Start here, today. Find your program's policies on leave of absence and extensions (the graduate handbook or graduate school website is the usual place) and note who you'd need to contact. You don't have to decide anything yet. This takes about 20 minutes.
After that, work through these steps. Choose one to jump to it.
Step by step
Tick each step as you finish it. Open a step for the how.
0 of 6 steps done
Let go of the plan for now
Put the current plan aside, at least for the next few weeks. Write down only the deadlines that can't simply be left, such as a funding report, an ethics renewal or a scheduled exam. Everything else can wait.
Tell your supervisor what you choose to
You don't have to share details. “I'm dealing with a family emergency” or “I have a health matter that needs my attention” is enough. What your supervisor needs is a rough sense of how long, what you can and can't do in the meantime, and how best to reach you.
Find out what your program offers
Leave of absence, medical leave, parental leave, bereavement leave and deadline extensions exist in most programs, but the rules and paperwork differ a lot. Ask your graduate coordinator how each option affects your time limit, funding, fees and health insurance. Get the answers in writing if you can.
Check money and visa effects early
If you have a scholarship or assistantship, check the funder's rules on pauses, since some allow paid parental or medical leave. International students should speak to the international student office before changing their enrolment status, because leave can affect a study permit or visa.
Use the support around you
Counselling services, student assistance programs, multi-faith chaplaincies and student parent groups exist for moments like this. Accept practical help from friends and family when it's offered. You don't have to handle it alone to prove you can.
Restart gently
When you're ready to come back, do a 15-Minute Reset and book a short meeting with your supervisor to agree on realistic next steps. Expect a few slow weeks while you remember where you were. Build back up over a month or so rather than returning at full pace on day one.
Words you can use
Telling your supervisor you need time
Hi [Name], I wanted to let you know that [I'm dealing with a family emergency, I have a health matter that needs my attention, or we're expecting a baby in the spring]. I'll need to step back from my PhD work for [a few weeks, the rest of this term, or a period I can't yet predict]. During that time I'll be able to [what you can still do, if anything, such as check email once a week]. I'm looking into the program's options for [a leave of absence or an extension] and will let you know what I decide. I'll be in touch by [date] with an update. Thank you for understanding. Best wishes, [Your name]
Is this you? Signs to look for
- You're dealing with an illness, a new baby, caring for someone, a death or a family emergency.
- You're trying to keep up with the PhD as though nothing has changed.
- You haven't told your supervisor because you don't know how much to say.
- Deadlines are coming and you can't see how you'll meet them.
- You feel guilty whichever thing you're giving your attention to.
Why this happens
A PhD lasts several years, and life doesn't pause for it. People get ill, have children, lose parents, look after partners, and get phone calls from home that mean booking a flight. For international students, a family emergency can mean being thousands of kilometres away, in a different time zone, with a visa to think about as well.
When something like this happens, many students try to carry on as normal, partly out of guilt and partly because nobody has told them what the options are. That usually means doing both things badly. Universities know this happens, which is why most programs have policies for leave of absence, parental leave, medical leave and extensions.
Your job for now is to look after what needs looking after and to keep your place in the program safe. The research can wait longer than it feels like it can.
Worth a look (3)
- Find A HelplineSearch by country and topic to find free, confidential helplines you can call, text or chat with. It works wherever you're studying, including just after a move abroad.
- Befrienders WorldwideA directory of emotional support centres around the world, where trained volunteers listen without judging. Search by country to find one you can contact.
- Doing What Matters in Times of StressAn illustrated WHO guide to coping with stress, built on short self-help exercises you can practise for a few minutes a day. It's free, with audio, in many languages.
When to bring someone in
Your graduate coordinator or graduate school is the place to ask about leave and extensions. The international student office can explain how a break affects your study permit or visa, and the financial aid office can help if your income or funding changes. Your university counselling service can support you through illness, caring or bereavement, and a doctor can provide documentation if you need medical leave.
Find the right person, or talk to Ify